were there a way

to subtly end –

easily let the cups drop

into the water to be cleaned

along with silver.

I wear onyx on my left hand

pretending that it matters

that it’s there

 

I can still see the butter

on the knife

and how she ate her toast

and beans hot

with salt

kept in the cabinet closed

 

the habits we kept

were this steady

in the vein

unbroken we let fall

what surrounded us

dinner and walking

what kept me walking

up and down those streets

to remember how it was

with her beside.

store fronts and coffee

that I used to drink

the bright color of flowers

on the sidewalk

that I bought her

that she always said

I should not waste my money on

but it was mine to waste

on what I wanted

 

A bassinet on a cold day at the beach

on a coast in Ireland

I’ve never seen to know so well

as I do.

This dream of blue

that never came

but in the mind.

 

What kept us walking

beside

our hope

reality

something other than what is was

 

go get your pictures

and add them to your books

and covet what is gone

 

I am,

like a shot

quick as I came in

 

Can you hear me

I am calling still

to tell you

I am sorry for leaving

but that I went

and know the consequence

as a habit

 

like our mornings

and evenings

of milk and coffee and bread

 

You are with me

even now as I subtly

let them slip away.

 

##

by Shannon Nissa Bailey Powers

“on the stairs outside of Children’s Hospital

waiting to break things”

Jan 10